You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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