so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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