Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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