Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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