Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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