Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
