if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
