i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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