i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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