He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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