We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
