I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
