i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
