They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ttyl tear gas
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
