i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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