It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
