i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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