TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
