I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize