I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
