I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
