I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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