i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
