Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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