i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
