take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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