you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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