apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
