the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
