I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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