You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
