The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im holly from the hills drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
