i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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