tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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