addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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