You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
