The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
