Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
