i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
