oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
