Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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