In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
