Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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