Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
