We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
