so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
