You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
