i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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