just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize