I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
