No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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