Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
