Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
