Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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