I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize