like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
