I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
