theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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