His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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