I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize