If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
