in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
