this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
