Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
