I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
