True but thats because hes a fetus.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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