New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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