the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
