There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
