I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize