wat bout pragnant strippers??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What a dumb baby whore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
