the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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