Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
