Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
