Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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