I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
