All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
