my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
