So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
