I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
