they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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