You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
